List of South Park Elementary Staff - Staff - Nurse Gollum

Nurse Gollum (called Nurse McSchwartz in the original pilot of "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe") is the school nurse at South Park Elementary, notable primarily for the fact that she has a dead fetus attached to the side of her head, which terrifies the children (she lacks this in the original pilot). Nurse Gollum is described in her first appearance on the show as suffering from the (fictional) condition "conjoined twin myslexia." Principal Victoria asked her if she could have it removed, Nurse Gollum stated yes but that it would cost her life.

In Nurse Gollum's first appearance, "Conjoined Fetus Lady," Kyle is sent to see her and shocked at her appearance. The rest of the children are soon terrified, leading to Sheila and Mayor McDaniels to arrange a special week for Conjoined Twin Myslexia awareness. However, this leads to Nurse Gollum becoming angered, saying that she just wants to live her life normally. She made an additional appearance in "Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods" playing the role of Nurse Chapel in a recreation of the Star Trek episode "Dagger of the Mind".

Despite having a dead fetus on her head, she is one of the most normal and intelligent adult characters on the show. Despite not wanting to be singled out for being different, she appeared in the episode "Freak Strike" where she is one of the freaks in the infomercial that is promoting awareness of 'freaks' through daytime talk shows.

Nurse Gollum shares her last name with Sméagol, the deformed creature from The Lord of the Rings.