Destroy All Humans! - Plot


The game begins with a Furon, Cryptosporidium-136, hovering over a launch site with military personnel testing a rocket. The rocket is launched and destroys the ship carrying Cryptospiridium-136, and leaves him fatally wounded. Crypto-136 is later captured, by the U.S. Army. Some time later, Cryptosporidium-137 travels to Earth with another Furon, Orthopox-13. Cryptosporidium (nicknamed 'Crypto') comes with the intention of rescuing 136, while Orthopox (nicknamed 'Pox') desires to extract human brain stems for study. Crypto arrives at Turnipseed Farm in the Midwest, where Pox mistakes Cows for Earth's dominant life-form. The Majestic agency is alerted to the Furon presence when Crypto decimates an army brigade passing through the area. Pox, communicating with Crypto through a hologram-like device, then reveals to Crypto that the reason he requires human brain stems is because they contain pure Furon D.N.A. handed down to them by Furon scouts eons ago when the Furons stopped on Earth for "shore leave" following a war with Mars (which was rendered uninhabitable by the Furon Empire).

After several missions in the Midwestern town of Rockwell and the California suburb of Santa Modesta, Crypto and Pox become aware of the Majestic, and begin crippling government attempts to stop them by performing acts such as destroying Area 42 (a parody of Area 51) with an atomic bomb and killing an air-force General named "Armquist". Throughout the game, Crypto's various acts are covered up by the government and media, which attribute them either to freak accidents or to Communism.

The game climaxes in Capitol City (a parody of Washington, D.C.), where Crypto assassinates President Huffman (a parody of president Truman) and brutally slaughters all members of the US Congress. Soon, the U.S. government seemingly surrenders to the Furons. Crypto meets Silhouette, leader of Majestic, in front of the Capitol. After a brief scuffle with Silhouette, Crypto discovers that "he" is a woman. Silhouette unveils the Roboprez, which is a towering mech controlled by President Huffman's brain. Crypto defeats Roboprez in his flying saucer, and then defeats Silhouette in a final battle at the Octagon (a parody of The Pentagon). As Silhouette dies, she reveals that there are other Majestic divisions all over the world. Crypto, however, is confident that without Silhouette's leadership, Majestic will be totally powerless to resist the Furon takeover.

The game ends with Huffman making a televised speech, assuring America that the recent events were the work of communists, who have poisoned the U.S. water supply, and that as a result testing centers have been set up all across the country to scan people for harmful toxins. People are then shown being herded reluctantly by Army soldiers into strange machines, apparently for brain stem extraction. Huffman is then revealed to be Crypto in disguise.

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