Barnacle Bill (song) - Example of Lyrics

Example of Lyrics

One version of "Barnacle Bill" refers to an exchange between Bill and a "fair young maiden." Each verse opens with inquiries by the maiden, sung by women, or by men in falsetto, and continues with Bill's profane responses sung by men. There are however, several cleaner versions of the song which may be found on various sites on the internet.

"Who's that knocking at my door? Who's that knocking at my door?
Who's that knocking at my door?" said the fair Young Maiden.

"It's me and my crew and we've come for a screw!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"It's me and my crew and we've come for a screw!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Alternate Responses:
"It's only me from over the sea" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"It's only me from over the sea" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"Open the door, you pox-ridden whore!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"Open the door, you pox-ridden whore!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"Open the door, you dirty whore!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"Open the door, you dirty whore!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"It's me myself and nobody else!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"It's me myself and nobody else!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"What if I should lock the door? What if I should lock the door?
What if I should lock the door?" said the fair Young Maiden.
"I'll smash the lock with my diamond-hard cock!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"I'll smash the lock with my diamond-hard cock!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Alternate Response:
"I'll use my cock to pick the lock!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"I'll use my cock to pick the lock!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"I'll pick the lock with me wiry cock!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"I'll pick the lock with me wiry cock!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"What if my parents should come home? What if my parents come home?
What if my parents should come home?" said the fair Young Maiden.
"I'll kill your pa and then fuck your ma!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"I'll kill your pa and then fuck your ma!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"Are you young and handsome, sir? Are you young and handsome, Sir?"
Are you young and handsome, sir?" said the fair Young Maiden.
"I'm old and rough and dirty and tough!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"I'm old and rough and dirty and tough!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"What is your intention, sir? What is your intention, sir?
What is your intention, sir?" said the fair Young Maiden.
"Oh, off with your shirt, so you doesn't get hurt!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"Oh, off with your shirt, so you doesn't get hurt!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"Will you take me to the dance? Will you take me to the dance?
Will you take me to the dance?" said the fair Young Maiden.
"To Hell with the dance! Now off with your pants!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"To Hell with the dance! Now off with your pants!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"Will you vow to marry me? Will you vow to marry me?
Will you vow to marry me?" said the fair Young Maiden.
"No, we won't wed. Getcher ass in the bed!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"No, we won't wed. Getcher ass in the bed!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"What's that thing between your legs? What's that thing between your legs?
What's that thing between your legs?" said the fair Young Maiden.
"It's only me pole to shove in your holes!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"It's only me pole to shove in your holes!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"What if I should have a child? What if I should have a child?
What if I should have a child?" said the fair Young Maiden.
"We'll smother the bugger and fuck for another!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"We'll smother the bugger and fuck for another!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Alternate Response:
"I'll open your crack, and shove it right back!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"I'll open your crack, and shove it right back!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"What if we should have a boy? What if we should have a boy?
What if we should have a boy?" said the fair Young Maiden.
"I'll take him to sea, teach him to fuck like me!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"I'll take him to sea, teach him to fuck like me!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"What if we should have a girl? What if we should have a girl?
What if we should have a girl?" said the fair Young Maiden.
"I'll dig a ditch and bury the bitch!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"I'll dig a ditch and bury the bitch!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"What if you should go to jail? What if you should go to jail?
What if you should go to jail?" said the fair Young Maiden.
"I'll smash down the walls with my forty-pound balls!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"I'll smash down the walls with my forty-pound balls!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Alternate Response:
"I'll pick the lock with me wagglin' cock!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"I'll pick the lock with me wagglin' cock!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
“What if you should get the gas? What if you should get the gas?
What if you should get the gas?” said the fair Young Maiden.
"I'll stuff the gas right up my ass!” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"I'll stuff the gas right up my ass!” said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"What if you should get the chair? What if you should get the chair?
What if you should get the chair?" said the fair Young Maiden.
"I'll lay a fart and blow it apart!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"I'll lay a fart and blow it apart!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Alternate Response:
"I'll absorb the shock with my steel-hard cock!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
"I'll absorb the shock with my steel-hard cock!" said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

For comparison, here is Abraham Brown, from the mid-nineteenth century (to the tune My Heart and Lute)

"Who is it knocks at our door"
Says a very nice young lady.
"Who is it &c."

"It's I myself and nobody else"
Says Abraham Brown the Sailor,
"Ti's I myself, &c."

"Oh! Open the door and let him in"
Says this very nice young lady,
"And where am I to sleep to night"
Says Abraham Brown the Sailor

"You may sleep on my soft pincushion"
Says this very nice young lady
"And I've a pin, I'll run it in"
Says Abraham Brown the Sailor

"I feel it rise between my ––"
Says this very nice young lady,
"It's in your –– up to the rim"
Says Abraham Brown the Sailor

"Ah! now it's in let it remain"
Says this very nice young lady,
"I'll be d––d if I do, I shall want it again"
Says Abraham Brown the Sailor

"When shall I have your pin again"
Says this very nice young lady
"When I can make it stand again"
Says Abraham Brown the Sailor

From a copy in the Bodleian Ballad library, reference Harding B 11(2370)

Read more about this topic:  Barnacle Bill (song)

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