It's hard to deny that Sun Microsystems is good at communicating its messages. Its president, Jonathan Schwartz, started this year one of the most influential business blogs, Jonathan Schwartz's Weblog. And now, in a story attributed to its CEO, Scott Mc Nealy describes his Christmas dream. In this text, which was almost certainly written by the folks at the Register, Scott Mc Nealy is in line with many other kids to talk with Santa. And these other kids have names such as Bill Gates, Carly Fiorina, Paul Otellini or Sam Palmisano, so you can imagine the jokes when they meet Santa -- from a Sun point of view. To me, the best one is when Matthew Szulik of Red Hat wants to offer a Finnish terrier to Santa -- for free. But then he asks that Santa sends him $5,000 per year to take care of the puppy. Of course, Santa is not amused. Scott sends you his very best wishes for 2005. I'm joining him to wish you a Happy 2005.
Here are some short excerpts. Let's start with a collage.
No need to tell you who are the people in this photomontage. (Credit: The Register).
Now, here is what Paul Otellini of Intel asks Santa.
Next up on the Big Guy's lap is Paul Otellini of Intel. "Santa, can't I please, please have a 64-bit processor that works?"
Santa puts on a very stern face. "Paul, last year you wished for that and I gave you Itanium. Now you can't just throw it in the trash because you're fed up with it. You've got to find a way to make it work."
"Aw, Santa. You know it'll never work. Our engineers know it'll never work. Only HP believes it'll work -- and those guys believe in fairies and elves." Paul trudges off sullenly.
Let's now turn to Matthew Szulik of Red Hat, who wants to make a free gift to Santa. Surprised, Santa asks what is the gift. Here is the conversation.
Kidd Dabb: The boat doesn’t stop at santa Maria this trip.
Geoff Carter: Why not?
Kidd: They have no bananas.
Geoff: They have no bananas?
Kidd: Yes, they have no bananas.
—Jules Furthman (1888–1960)
It's a puppy -- a Finnish terrier -- for you to bring back to the North Pole. It wears sandals, it likes to take saunas, and, best of all, it won't cost you a penny. right now."
"Right now?" Santa asks. (You don't get to control all the presents in the world if you're not a pretty smart cookie.)
"Er.yes. There's one tiny catch. To pay for the proper care and maintenance of the puppy, every year you have to send me $5000."
As Szulik speaks, Santa's face darkens like one of those storms that blow in from Siberia. "If I have to send you $5000 a year, then the truth is that this is one expensive puppy, isn't it Matthew?"
Matthew is looking down at his shoes and nodding. Santa pushes the naughty boy off his lap. "Go to your room, Matthew. It's coal for you this year."
Then arrives Sam Palmisano of IBM. As he's too short to climb on Santa's knee, he asks a gigantic army of "IBM Global Services" consultants to build him a chair. Of course, they fail. So Santa asks an elf to bring a perfect chair and Palmisano asks Santa where this chair comes from.
"Oh, we do a lot more up here than sit in the snow and wrap presents, Sam. We have one room where some very smart designers create some great innovations. We call it the Sun room." Sam begs and pleads for access to this room for Christmas, but Santa replies. "Unfortunately, Sammy, this is a place where only the best and brightest can visit, so we won't be able to let you or your friends in dark suits enter there. Make sure to come back next year with another wish!"
Well, even if it was not written by Scott McNealy, it's really fun. Merry Christmas!
On the Atchison, Topeka and the santa Fe.
—Johnny Mercer (1909–1976)
Source: Scott McNealy, CEO at Sun Microsystems, for The Register, December 23, 2004
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